PSA — Are We Ready to Hook-Up Again?

Client’s Tale.

I am 22 year old vers bottom, currently living in the heart of LA with 6 other roommates — some male, some female, some straight, and some not. Most of us have either had our salaries reduced or we have been furloughed (that would be me), and, just like the rest of the world, we are trying to navigate these challenging times as best we can. As a group, we understand that all of us are quarantining together and, so far, no one has gotten sick (at least that we are aware of).

If you’re counting like we are, it’s been 6 weeks of this and there’s only so much lying in the sun, hanging out by our pool, and smoking weed we can handle. And, on top of this, how many loads can you bust out on your own? I know it’s for the good of mankind to keep my hands to myself right now and trust me — I have been following the rules. I swear. Butt apparently one of my roommates couldn’t resist any longer. The other night, I was passed out on the couch when I awoke and heard one of my gay roommates open the front door to let his booty call in. I was totally caught off guard and didn’t know how to confront the situation. Thankfully, one of my roommates did. Long story short, yelling ensued, fists were raised, and then the two of them darted. No one knew where, but they probably, eventually got what they both wanted.

The next day, when he came back — still pissed — people were not just freaked out about what he’d do or say, but also what he might have brought home with him. Everyone kept their distance from him and, over time, we could see that his actions had definitely fractured the group dynamic, and a few roommates even decided to leave the house permanently. Fortunately, neither he nor anyone else in the house ever developed any symptoms or came down with Covid-19.

However, it was such an eye opening experience. It raised so many important issues as it relates to the rules and regulations of sheltering in place with others. What also really got me shook was how similar it is to how we all should be approaching casual sex. Even when you know you yourself are being incredibly careful and analyzing all the risks (and rewards) of your actions, you never really know what the other person (or persons) are doing when they’re not with you. One fuck — literally — could fuck it all up for you and potentially others around you. We are so selfish to think that just because it’s our own body that we can do whatever the fuck we want with zero regard for anyone else.

As time goes on and guidelines continue to loosen up, I have no doubt we will find ourselves increasingly more willing to venture out. In doing so, however, we must take responsibility for our actions and be honest about their risks. These are both imperative not only for the safety of our little house, but also for the entire world.

There are so many of us who want to see our FWB’s again. I know I do. For me, and I think a lot of people, a lot of things contribute to the quality of life. Of course, being alive and healthy is at the top, but fucking is also pretty high up there. So how can we work together so that we can safely open up our holes again?

My Discussion.

I have always tried my best to live my life without placing blame, holding grudges, or taking a holier-than-thou approach. Through all my surgical training and scientific development of sexual wellness for our community, I repeatedly see people living their lives on their own terms, regardless of what I or anyone else in the world tells them. Sometimes this is harmless, but other times their decisions have both personal and community-wide repercussions. Being in an analytical position, I provide my professional opinion and then assume the worst, but hope for that best.

Anyone can preach to anyone else, until they are blue in the face, the negative consequences of a particular action. But if the desire is there, that person is going to continue on that path, regardless of how risky it may be. The best case scenario is this person has taken a calculated risk — they’ve done their research, they’ve consulted with professionals, and, if someone else is involved, they’ve gotten mutual consent to move forward. Other times, these decisions are made in haste or because of blinding passion.

Regardless of the approach, we all know that every action has a reaction. That’s one of the main reasons why I founded Bespoke Surgical — with the hopes of pioneering a field of sexual medicine analyzing risk. Why? Because if we can present people with both the risks and the rewards of an action, we can try to anticipate and appropriately plan for the reaction. That is my job. It’s not to judge, cast blame, or shame someone else. It’s simply to present scientific facts to minimize a potentially negative reaction. Because, as I mentioned before, consequences may not only be felt by the one person, but also our entire fucking community.

In the midst of Covid-19, we’re seeing how differently people, around the country, are reacting to guidelines. Many people feel their individual liberties are being taken away and have chosen to act out in ways that they think will only affect themselves and not the community at large. Let’s be honest — many just don’t give a flying fuck. And when it comes to my background and medical focus — sexual health and wellness — I’m hearing from 3 main groups of people:

1. The ones who never stopped having casual sex
2. The ones who are now getting antsy and would like to try going out to satisfy their sexual needs
3. The ones who are still being prudent, but want to be prepared once they’re ready to start hooking up again

So let’s talk sex.

While we encourage everyone to continue to follow their location’s specific guidelines, as the world is trying to open up, we at Bespoke Surgical are trying to figure out a safe way to address the sexual wellbeing of our community. And when it comes to Covid-19 testing, we believe the stance should be similar to STD’s. So, on this day, I am hereby declaring that Covid-19 should be added to our quarterly STD testing protocol, if not even more frequently in the early stages. Think about it: anything you’re doing in the bedroom can transmit Covid-19 just as much as something like Chlamydia.

I want to fuck just like the rest of you, but it’s not that simple since it generally involves someone you don’t currently live with. So what can we do? We now have specific, active Covid-19 testing that delivers results within 24 hours. That’s really what we care about. Yes, antibodies may be important. But right now, the science behind immunity is still yet to be truly understood. So while we wait for that, as well as hopefully a cure and/or vaccine, we can be proactive and take this opportunity to not only analyze Covid-19, but also every STD you normally get screened for. Of course, unlike STD’s, you will still have to follow common guidelines, like social distancing, to minimize your risks when in public settings.

That’s why, beginning this week at Bespoke Surgical’s New York office, we will be advocating for clients (and their partners or FWB’s) to get a comprehensive STD evaluation, including the newly classified Covid-19. As a reminder: a full STD screening involves oral and anal swabs, urine check, and bloodwork. To that, we will add active Covid-19 nasal swabs to this protocol, and an antibody blood test only if requested. We will also encourage our clients to have their partners be tested, too. This is one way to help mitigate risk when we begin to hook up again. From the knowledge obtained, lots can be gained. Here’s our chance to start out fresh.

What I hope you’ll take from this is simple: for a lot of our actions, it’s not a matter of individual liberty, but a matter of public health. Because the sooner we can come together, the sooner we can cum together. Let’s take ownership of our community and learn from these current events so that we can truly lead our community into a new sexual era — an era that not only attempts to mitigate risk, but also allows you and your partner(s) to explore in whatever ways you desire.

If you are interested in sexual accountability for social change, please make an appointment at our New York Bespoke Surgical office. We look forward to working together for the betterment of society.

Don’t forget to stay in touch on Instagram: me, Bespoke Surgical, and Future Method.