Tales from the Tail — Bottoming for a Prince Albert: Hot, but Beware…
“You can take your Prince Albert and shove it up your — I mean my — ass!” I told him. Spoiler alert: he did. And it didn’t end well. Boy, was it a beautiful looking cock, though, with that shiny silver ball going right through its head. I’m getting hard just thinking about it. Can you really blame me?
Let’s start from the beginning. I dated (yes, past tense) a guy with a Prince Albert piercing and he loved to fuck. As you can imagine, so did I. But when it came to our first time, I was extremely hesitant. It was huge. I started by lubing it up real good. After copious amounts of foreplay, I was ready to take him on — or rather in. I probably should have been more patient, but I took him in all-the-way. Holy shit. It felt amazing and, once inside me, the friction of the sterling silver against my prostate was like none other. I kid you not — I came in two seconds.
On the other hand, he didn’t. It takes him a while and so I let him continue. Eventually, he shot all up inside me (I could feel the hot load). But as he was pulling out, do you believe the PA got caught on my skin. It pulled so much I heard an actual tear and then — boom — pain and blood everywhere. I was mortified. Oh. My. God. He was so polite at that very moment (otherwise he was a prick, hence him now being my ex).
From then on, my poor hole was never the same. Anytime I attempted any kind of anal play, it bled and caused pain. You know sometimes you just deal with things and life moves along? Five years have passed and nothing has changed. But not any more. This is the year of change and why not apply that to my hole, too?
Fortunately, I booked an appointment to see Dr. Evan Goldstein at Bespoke Surgical, who diagnosed me with a common chronic anal tear, also known as a fissure, along with a small extra skin tag that had developed. In case you were wondering, because of the position we were having sex in, combined with his piercing, the cut was located more towards the front of my hole. Surgery was needed, and, oddly enough, the recovery was no different than a bad night at attempting anal. I quickly realized that I should have just done this years ago. 🥴 Butt the moral of this tale is that we always need to be careful during anal play, especially when the magnitude of friction increases due to devices and/or piercings. Who knew?
Friction is a necessary evil. We need it. We want it. It’s what helps us get off. However, it can also cause significant localized injuries in the anal region. Thus, it’s why I constantly talk about better douching techniques to help prevent your anal canal from drying out. And why I talk of the importance of great lubes, better relaxation from dilating, and understanding the pros and cons of different sexual positions. These each work together in attempting to diminish bad friction, all the while enhancing good (or pleasurable) friction.
Then there are functional and anatomical conditions, like skin tags, tears, and even hemorrhoids, that need to be accounted for. All of these add friction with each thrust or in-and-out movement during anal play. Now think about adding a goddamn Prince Albert piercing. Love the look, the feeling in your mouth, but stick it up your ass? Maybe not so much.
The friction created by a Prince Albert can be a real hindrance during fucking. If there’s no way around it, I definitely suggest you predilate before the actual fun starts. This will not only help open you up, but also it will help distribute lube 360 degrees inside your anal canal. And speaking of lube — use lots of it. It will for sure help reduce the bad friction. When it comes to positioning and thrusting, choose wisely as how you thrust in and out are key. Most importantly, try not to let the top pull their cock completely out with each thrust. This is a situation where you want them inside you the entire time, with gradual, slow, and controlled movements. In other words, don’t go fucking crazy (no pun intended).
To wrap things up, I urge you to be weary of friction and to constantly try to understand and analyze it. Using these simple suggestions, we can help to mitigate our risk for injury, while at the same time improving our chances of heightened pleasure. Bottoming for a Prince Albert is definitely a more advanced skill. You don’t have to avoid it, you just need to understand everything (and everyone) that comes with it. And if something still goes awry, bet your ass I’ll be there for you. Prince Goldstein at your service. 🤴 😛