Tales From the Tail — Are You Getting the Right STD Tests?
Client’s Tale.
While my fissure gently weeps.
I can always trust my ass to be up for any task — whatever or whomever may come its way. But many moons ago, my booty finally broke down. It happened when I got overly confident one evening. Surprisingly, it wasn’t even a noticeably long or thick dick. Quite average, actually. I remember it like it was yesterday. First, I was in a weird position. Then, immediate excruciating pain. I suddenly felt wetter, but it was hard to tell with all the lube whether it was that or blood (or both). Unfortunately, I didn’t see that cute boy again. But that’s another story.
That anal tear came and went, with plenty of satisfying sexual escapades in between bouts of agony. Specifically, there were a handful of consecutive months when the little fucker just wouldn’t heal. I saw my primary doc and he sent me on my way with some pretty standard creams. After, he sent me to a colorectal surgeon who took one look and then prescribed me the same cream for a few more weeks. Suffice it to say, it didn’t work. I bled whenever I went to the bathroom and there was no way anything was going up inside me.
I decided to go for another opinion. I booked an appointment with Doctor G (aka Dr. Goldstein at Bespoke Surgical) since all my friends have seen him, and yes, a tear (or anal fissure) showed up during the examination. We did swabs inside and out, even though I disclosed I was supposedly STD negative. Lo and behold, the anal swab came back positive for chlamydia. Goddamn! However, the second I got treatment for it, the fissure healed. No surgery needed — just a simple, thoughtful approach. It was super strange, though, as I could of sworn I did a full STD exam and nothing came back positive. Then, I realized my primary doc only drew blood and the original colorectal surgeon I saw only performed a quick visual inspection.
Fortunately, my weeping fissure fully healed. Thinking back, I must have had that STD for quite some time. I’m incredibly thankful for Doctor G for reading between the lines (and my cheeks).
My Discussion.
STDs linked to anal pathologies are extremely common. Whenever something doesn’t seem right, especially for those who engage in anal sex, we must first check to see if it’s being caused by a localized infection. This means undergoing a comprehensive evaluation — blood work alone is not sufficient. It must be done in tandem with swabbing and a urine culture (if I had to prioritize for some reason, swabbing would be #1).
We are anal, oral, and tactile people. We kiss, lick, rub, suck, and fuck. All of these acts give us pleasure, but we have to remember that infections usually manifest at the source. That’s why anal and oral swabs, as well as a urine check, are all necessary. For this particular client, I swabbed anally twice— one for chlamydia and gonorrhea and the second for herpes.
Anal tears, also called anal fissures, cause local irritation. The bleeding and inflammation feeds many things, like chlamydia and gonorrhea, and herpes or even anal warts from the HPV virus. Thus, it makes sense why the fissure isn’t healing — bacteria or viruses need it to stay open in order to survive.
Quick recap:
- Have your doctor check locally to make sure there are no STDs present. And don’t accept a self-test. It needs to be deep and done correctly, which most clients can’t do. The doctor of record should always swab.
- Treatment is easy; however, it’s not guaranteed to fix the fissure. Sometimes the fissure will have developed old scar tissue, which needs to be surgically treated. Side note: we also add Botox to relax the spasms that may occur as a result of the tear.
Fortunately, this tale has a happy ending — in more ways than one — but that’s not always the case. His fissure healed completely and he was able to ride again. If you walk away from this tale with only one thing, it should be: don’t get fooled by what you (or your doctor) sees. Sometimes, it’s what you don’t (or can’t) see that actually causes a pain in your ass.
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