“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Benjamin Franklin
A few weeks ago, I wrote a piece to shed some light on anal sex preparation. Over and over, I get questions on how someone can prevent / minimize anal injury or how to make sure someone doesn’t ever “fuck-up-my-ass” again. And throughout that PSA, I disclosed my day to day line of thinking: breaking down each and every sexual act into three key categories: prepare, play, and care. I also gave you questions to ponder in each of these scenarios, which was a good reference point for analyzing your own actions. Today, I am going to to go further and deeper into the ass, opening it in a way it’s never been opened before. I will tell you why I posed certain questions and explain how one should actually make the appropriate changes to improve their bottoming career. It’s time to open up and listen!
- How do you prepare for sex?
This is naturally a very general question, as I see people all over the map who have their own developed and personalized techniques for readiness. The reality is most of us did not have appropriate sexual education, let alone a curriculum that introduced our world of anal and gay sex. So I do need you to open your minds (among other things) and forget what may have been misinformation so that we can improve your knowledge on the latest science behind your behind. So, I ask again, how do you prepare for sex?
- Do you shave or trim? Maybe wax or use Nair?
Many of us shave, trim, wax, or sugar. Sure, these are getting rid of your hair, but the reality is they aren’t affecting the hair follicles that produce the hair, so the effects are temporary and require you do it often. Why do I say this? Any of these methods is really hard to actually do on your own. The angle to get your hole is quite tough to reach. Therefore, you become more susceptible to local tearing or irritation in the region, which means potentially increasing your risk for STDs, such as HPV and its sequelae, called anal warts. Also, those who shave often present to me with ingrown hairs and acne that is uncomfortable and embarassing to look at. That said, I am a huge proponent of lasering the region since it’s now fast, cheap, and permanent. Beyond the aesthetics, it allows us to minimize the kinds of irritation that can lead to other disastrous complications.
- Do you take daily fiber supplements?
The reality is, no one truly gets enough fiber from their diet alone. Adding fiber supplements before bed, with a nice, tall glass of water, allows it to do its job effectively, resulting in a morning time defecation. This sets the stage for appropriate anal engagements, streamlining your pre-sex routines, such as douching. I do like Pure for Men, as I find their sourcing of ingredients to be top notch. However, everyone’s body is different and this means you may have to experiment to figure out how to poop like a dog. What I mean by this is, the goal is to evacuate a soft, complete log, with no wiping necessary. It’s no easy feat without the addition of fiber supplements. And just so you’re prepared — it may take a few weeks to really see its effects in action. So give it a chance and titrate up or down accordingly.
- Do you take something to slow your gut down, like Imodium?
I am not a huge fan of slowing down your motility with different types of medications. I find chronic issues can arise and it’s better to get it out than keep things in. That said, it’s definitely more common for those who engage in fisting, larger toys, and/or sex parties, where sessions could last for hours. If you are going to invest in something like Imodium, please go slow and let it take full effect before you decide to increase your dosage. Also, please remember its effects can last for a few days, obviously altering your normal bathroom routine.
- Do you douche before (and/or after) sex? If so, what do you use: a douche bulb with water, an enema, or a shower hose? How many times do you clean out?
Once I started to really analyze our sexual practices, I realized how truly detrimental douching can be, creating elevated risks for STD’s and injury. During this time, we studied the liquids used (water vs. enemas), the mechanism of delivery (bulbs vs. shower hoses), and the frequency and/or volume used to achieve readiness (or cleanliness). Our conclusion showed that all three of these can lead to potential sequelae. That’s the primary reason why I founded Future Method, which provides both the products to support our community, as well as the education that goes along with how we engage. I completely understand why people douche, but we should really change our habits so that our GI tract can either completely eliminate shit (see: fiber) or if we still need it, provide a douching product that is safe and specific for this very purpose. When I say safe, it’s really about what’s called “isotonic”, which means the formula washes the cells in the anal canal, but doesn’t irritate them. It prevents dryness and cell trauma, unlike water or store-bought enemas.
Also, less is more. Future Method’s bulbs are designed to be smaller, to target the appropriate area for everyday anal play. Understanding your anal anatomy is paramount to understanding how much is required to effectively clean. And on the less is more approach, two to three bulb fulls is more than adequate. If you require more than this, we need to think more about overall GI health and also knowing when to admit that maybe today is just not the day for bottoming. Other solutions including adding more fiber, drinking more water, watching your diet, and getting everything into a homeostatic rhythm. Your ass will thank you, as will the person inside you.
- Do you pre-dilate with butt plugs or toys?
The key to better bottoming is using toys. No ifs, ands, or butts! Seriously — the proper way to learn to bottom is to invest in an anal dilating/training kit. It’s a 4–6 week process, with exercises done two to three times a week. This allows both the skin and the muscle to get into an appropriate relaxed state, but also tough enough so that it can withstand the pressures of sex. Once you’ve graduated to the real deal, I still advocate using plugs or toys before sex because it also helps with adequate lubrication. Having a relaxed and well lubricated anal region helps diminish the pressures of sex and fill in (no pun intended) where a less experienced top may forget. Empowering the bottom allows for fruitful and successful engagements.
- What lubes do you use for pre-dilation and for sex itself?
Many toys require either water-based or toy-safe lube. This can be a conundrum as many of us prefer silicone for the real D. I agree with using silicone in this instance. The lubricity and slickness is unsurmountable. Sure, it’s messy and fucks up our sheets, but I think the pros outweigh the cons. You’ll just have to see what fits in each scenario — literally. If you choose water-based, I love Flip lube, which, similar to Future Method’s anal douche, is pH-balanced for optimal protection. Other water-based lubes can cause dryness and local irritation.
Here’s a quick, fun tip. For pure anal play, I would recommend a silicone-safe toy, like glass or ceramic. Start dilating with them and then you’ll be already primed for action. The slip and slide lasts, aids in everyone’s pleasure, and means you wont have to switch lube while your legs are already in the air.
- Do you use drugs during sex? If so, do you use them for euphoric enhancement, anal relaxation, or both?
Besides the obvious, where people really run into issue is when they’re using them to create anal relaxation. When this happens, and you’re all fucked up, you have no concept of pain, trauma, or injury. You need to be able to prove that you can take cock(s), fists, or toys on your own and only then, when you’ve been successful, can you introduce things to increase your pleasure. This approach will help diminish most injuries.
My goal is to get you thinking about sex before you even enter the bedroom. No matter what it is, you can’t expect to jump right into something and be an expert or escape without a few bruises. When you put in the work, learn the ropes, and educate yourself on the task at hand (or ass in this case), you’re more likely to maximize your (and their) pleasure, while minimizing injury. Preparation doesn’t have to be daunting or laborious. Hell, it can even be pleasurable if done right.
Remember to come back for the next part in this series: PLAY.