Client’s Tale.

I have a fucking grape on my asshole. Not literally, of course. But I do have a big piece of who-the-fuck-knows that recently appeared after some amazing bottoming (if I don’t say so myself). But before I go any deeper, let me frame the situation: my precious hole needs to be working 100% this weekend. My primary relationship (a long distance one with the man who provides for me), is flying in for some one-on-one time and good old-fashioned love making. I sure do miss our physical and mental connection.

Since we’re long distance, our open relationship allows…


The Peloton craze skyrocketed during the pandemic (if you were able to even get your butt on one), but what no one realizes is how their pelvises are being transformed forever by riding them so often. The pelvic floor is responsible for all these anatomical changes, both good and bad. Some of my own personal favorites — Ally Love, Dennis, and Jess King — are behind our experiences. All those “turn the resistance to the right” and “up in third position” help give us enviously high, tight, and round glutes (read: asses). But what it also does is produce excessive…


Client’s Tale.

Every single time I get fucked, I feel the urge to piss. No joke. And that’s not really the best sensation I want to be experiencing. I want the mind blowing, fuck-me-in-the-ass-and-fill-me-up-with-all-your-gooey-warmness kinda sex. You know what I’m talking about. However, my bladder instead feels like it’s going to burst no matter whose dick is in my ass. And for all those thinking it right now — yes, I use the bathroom before bottoming. It doesn’t make a difference.

I do get rock hard when someone is inside me. No issues there. I am able to fully relax…


Client’s Tale.

“You can take your Prince Albert and shove it up your — I mean my — ass!” I told him. Spoiler alert: he did. And it didn’t end well. Boy, was it a beautiful looking cock, though, with that shiny silver ball going right through its head. I’m getting hard just thinking about it. Can you really blame me?

Let’s start from the beginning. I dated (yes, past tense) a guy with a Prince Albert piercing and he loved to fuck. As you can imagine, so did I. But when it came to our first time, I was…


Client’s Tale.

Let me start by saying: I fucking love getting rimmed. Spit on it. Lick it like it’s an ice cream cone in 100 degree weather and you don’t want it to melt. Go to town while you admire its beauty. And when we’ve both eventually had enough, let’s both get off.

I used to think of my asshole like a Tootsie pop — people couldn’t wait to lick their way to the center — but now I feel like it’s that off-brand, clearance bin candy that no one wants.

Believe it or not, getting rimmed is the only…


Year in and year out, especially during the holiday season, I make an attempt to play Santa — listening to all my client’s naughty (and nice) bedroom wish lists. And just like Santa’s sled, our asses break down every now and again. But while Santa may cheer “Ho! Ho! Ho!”, Bespoke Surgical treats anal injuries (and whatever else may bring you into our office) with an open mind and without fear of judgement. So for our last blog of the year, I thought what better way to end it than with a listicle of reasons why an asshole (said lovingly…


Client’s Tale.

I dreamt every night over the past week of experiencing a glory hole. I guess it’s been on my mind since this is one of the recommendations for a safer COVID-19 sexual experience. I’ve been seeing states and the media pushing it out a lot. What’s weird (and honestly quite disrespectful) is that any time it’s brought up, it’s focused on hetero sexual practices, especially women, which leaves us gays to once again fend for ourselves. Fortunately, I wasn’t about to let this get in my way.

I tend to see my dreams as some sort of parallel…


Client’s Tale.

I am a 30 year old gay male who has taken it up the ass for years and years without any issues… until about two years ago. One night, I took a rather large cock that ended up literally fucking me up. I’ll save you the details, but it definitely felt like a tear. After I hopped off and did some at home care, I saw a gastroenterologist, who placed me on some creams to help heal my rear. It definitely did improve the immediate pain, but it did NOTHING to help having sex. Every time anything was…


Have you ever looked at your partner’s cock and been like 😳 😱 😰?? I can hear the voice in your head going, “There is no way that thing is gettin’ inside any of my holes!!!” Half the battle is knowing when to say no, right? But what if you don’t want to pick and choose or, more often than not, what if that big D is actually what you’re after? We shouldn’t have to deny our desires because of our own functional limitations. …


What happens when your asshole isn’t 100% clean after going #2? Does residual fecal matter help your microbiome?

Every day I see a lot of ass. I mean tons. Some are sparkling clean and others… not so much. The bulk of my client base is made up of members of the queer community, where the pressures to have an immaculately clean hole (both in and out) are high. It’s not just about hygiene — it translates to the bedroom, too. However, what’s interesting is that there are often studies showing that the presence of fecal matter is in the best…

Dr. Evan Goldstein

NYC Gay Surgeon discussing ASS: A\rt, S\cience, and S\ex www.bespokesurgical.com/

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store